Canto CCCLXIX: Found Money

Gentle cabrones:

Have you ever been to Pacific Coast Hotdogs in Orange?

Really good spot. Straightforward. Doesn’t veer much beyond its title. Reviewed it long, long ago for the Infernal Rag. Was near a Zankou Chicken that closed long ago because the chain never made any sense out there — the Lebanese in Orange live closer to the Circle and the former mall than ElMo, youknow?

Haven’t been to PCH Hotdogs probably since 2006 — and I know the date very well, because three life-changing things happened there on the same day, at the same time, although one of them didn’t have the impact it could’ve because of the other. And the other really wouldn’t have an impact until later — yet was the more important one.

The scene: Lunchtime with Guillermo to talk stories. Can’t remember what they were because I got the call I had been waiting for for days. I picked up my cell…

The phone: Razr. First cell phone I ever bought. Bought it when I flew out to NYC to appear on Today’s weekend edition, then hosted by Lester Holt (Canto IX). Man, it was a shitty phone — but I needed a cell phone for the news…

The news: My agent told me that after a bidding war between a few big publishing houses, Scribner had offered a nice advance for a two-book deal: A compilation of The Former Columna, and what would turn into my barely read Orange County: A Personal History.

I would be a published author — Life-Changing Thing #1.

I would get a nice advance — Life-Changing Thing #2.

And then I believed my own hype (Canto LXIV).

I told Guillermo the amount (I’m not going to tell you, alas, although you can try to Google it — it’s wrong) and groused that I deserved more. And then Guillermo told me Life-Changing Thing #3, which undercut Life-Changing Thing #2 but proved far more valuable and would’ve been impossible if Life-Changing Thing #1 had never happened.

I can’t remember the exact line. But he reprimanded me in a polite but forceful way (not the asshole of Canto CCCLVIII). What I remember is the phrase that has stuck with me ever since:

“Found money.”

The idea: You got something good — really good. Something you completely deserve, and congrats. But that Good is mostly superfluous after a certain level. If you’re asking for more superfluous Good, something is wrong with you. Accept the Good that came.

What’s more, that Superfluous Good you got? It’s a reward from the cosmos for your hard WERK, yes. Sure, you can keep it all — most people would. But you have what you need. You will get what you need in the future, too. The Something Good you just got before you is found money. You have a chance to do something with it — so what are you going to do?

“Found money.”

Modern-day Guillermo would say none of the above, sadly. But 2006 Guillermo would’ve. See, the idea that I just offered as a sort of dialogue wasn’t said that exact way. But the phrase is absolutely true.

Life-Changing Thing #1? Had my fun, but the author life is not really for me, at least in Gotham. That’s why I’ll probably never get another…

Life-Changing Thing #2? Definitely impacted me, but not really financially. I gave away most of it away, one of the best decisions of my life because it led to….

Life-Changing Thing #3? The the gift I give to ustedes as this year closes and a year of uncertainty comes. A challenge to pull from the Good within you — and pull some more.

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We all have lifestyles we like to maintain, and I’m guilty of that as well.

I like to go out to eat at least twice a week, cheap and otherwise. I like to buy used books. We own the house that we live in (well, at least in 18 years, insha’Allah) and save up all year to go on a two-week vacation, although that hasn’t happened since 2017 (Canto CCCLX).

And…that’s it.

I wear my clothes until it’s fraying (someone — a supposed fan — told my sister that they didn’t recognize me at a public event because I looked like a “hobo.” No columna or canto for you!). I drive my cars until they literally die on the freeway (nearly happened to me yesterday — canto to come!). What money I make, I throw into the bank to sustain the life I have and keep a little more in case the Dream #2 ends — and the rest, I give it away.

Giving to charity is easy. But how about give it so it costs YOU?

Even as a kid, I marveled at Mark 12:41-44, the story of the poor widow who threw in two coins while the rich cast way more. Who was the better person, Jesus asked — the rich who gave a bunch, or the woman who gave so that it cost her?

That’s what these prosperity gospel people don’t get. Jesus doesn’t want you to be rich for the sake of being rich. He wants you to be rich so you can help others to the point you are humbled and realize what really matters:

Give what you can. And then give some more. The Gates-Buffet Giving Pledge is just a start. And effective altruists are egotistical pendejxs. Making money to give doesn’t cost you shit.

Here’s some of nonprofits I donated to this year.

Frosted Faces Foundation: Rescues senior dogs out of Ramona, California. That’s where we got Hook and Cosmo. Absolutely legit group (I investigated haha)

Honorable Order of Kentucky Colonels: Because I’m a bonafide certified Kentucky Colonel, you know? Still need to write THAT canto. They fund good things in a state that needs good things — and if you don’t believe me, look at Rand Paul.

Boyle Heights Beat and KCAW: Support independent, local media!

The Frida Cinema: I actually wasn’t planning to give them money this year, because I gave them a nice donation last year (Canto CCLXXII). BUT…I was at their recent, awesome Chucky Fest, and Frida jefe Logan Crow asked the audience that if they wanted to donate any spare change at the moment, they could. So I pulled out my wallet and quietly vowed to give them the biggest bill in there. $100 it was! The Frida sent me a nice letter within a week reminding me that my donation is tax-deductible. Incredible movies and walk the walk on the community thing.

Giving isn’t just money, either. Volunteer. Mentor. Help.

Give. And then give more.

Gracias for being with me in 2024, whether it was since Canto I or just last week. Gracias for the gift of your subscription. I hope you give to other writers as well.

And now, back to the flu!

**

Enough rambling. This was the semana that was:

IMAGE OF THE WEEK: Plaque catty cornered from the site of SanTana’s Chinatown, which was burned down after a city council resolution in 1906. Current city council had this memorial plaque installed last week…and it’s already tagged up. Pinche ahistorical ingratos cobardes — at least taggers in L.A. target abandoned skyscrapers…

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: ““I didn’t go to jail, I went to Hollywood” — Orson Welles

LISTENING: “Modesta Ayala,” Bertín y Lalo. The best radio bit on Southern California happens every Friday at 9 a.m. on KHJ-AM 980 La Mera Mera: “El Gran Palenque,” a faceoff between two iconic Mexican regional musical acts. The faceoff last week was a dueto battle between el norte y el sur: sierreño legends Miguel y Miguel contra Tierra Caliente stalwarts Bertín y Lalo. Since SanTana is calentanolandia nowadays, the latter group easily won. I like the former dueto better, but los guerrerenses have beautiful guitar skills, even if their voices are perfectly harmonized nasalized coos, as heard in this Guerrero corrido classic.

READING: “'How to Kill a Cop': Death, Despair and Corruption in California's Most Violent Prison”: There are good people in law enforcement, and yet the bad win again and again within law enforcement. This KQED package (also a podcast, although I don’t listen to podcasts anymore out of principle) is infuriating, heartbreaking, well-written and brings enough receipts to warrant an accountant’s award.

BUY MY NEW CO-BOOK! People’s Guide to Orange County tells an alternative history of OC through the scholarship and reporting of myself, Elaine Lewinnek, and Thuy Vo Dang. There’ll be signings all year — in meanwhile, buy your copy TODAY. And, yes: I’ll autograph it!

Gustavo Events  

Jan. 4-5: This is really cool: Jouyssance, a choral group committed to singing pre-Baroque pieces (and which my sometimes-jefe, L.A. Times features editor Steve Padilla, is a member), is doing a Christmas program featuring 16th-century Mexican music — and I'm going to be the narrator! Jan. 4 will be at 7:30 p.m. at Holy Nativity Episcopal Church, 6700 W. 83rd Street, Westchester; January 5 will happen at 4 p.m. at St. Luke’s Episcopal Church, 122 S. California Ave., Monrovia. Tickets are $25 general admission, $20 for seniors, and $10 for students with ID — buy them TODAY!

Jan. 12, noon: I will be the grand marshal at the reenactment of the signing of the Articles of Capitulation — the formal agreement that ended the Mexican-American War in California — at the Campo de Cahuenga Historical Site, 3919 Lankershim Blvd. Studio City. What does that mean? I get to give a short speech! Come see this important part of California history for FREE.

Jan. 21: Remember when I used to come out on KPCC’s AirTalk with Larry Mantle every other week to talk Orange County stuff? I do! Well, I’m taking a trip back in time for Larry’s 40th anniversary tour with a taping about OC matters at the Bowers Museum in SanTana! Going to start at 7 p.m, and tickets are FREE, but you gotta RSVP!

Gustavo in the News

“2024’s best films, TV shows and more, according to Times critics”: A Los Angeles Times newsletter you should subscribe to plugs a columna of mine.

“A taste of 1789 Japan”: Another Los Angeles Times newsletter you should subscribe to plugs a columna of mine.

“How Tortillas Lost Their Magic”: In which I’m referred to as a “food journalist,” quoted from a book instead of in real life, and get no mention of my KCRW #TortillaTournament

“Fernando Valenzuela, Chita Rivera: Latinos we lost in 2024”: I get quoted in an NBC News roundup about what the headline states. At least NBC realizes the value of a Latino vertical, unlike other orgs…

Gustavo Stories 

“Grítale a Guti”: Latest edition of my Tuesday night IG Live free-for-all.

“Ask a Californian’s Best Advice of 2024”: If you haven’t enjoyed my Alta Journal co-columna yet, here’s your chance!

“An Oscar-winning L.A. council member? Gov. Danny Trejo? Gustavo’s 2025 predictions”: My latest L.A. Times columna is my annual turn as Gustradamus! KEY QUOTE: “But my Magic 8 Ball sees little to look forward to except a lot of laughs — because we’ll need to crack up at the cruelty and tomfoolery coming from the White House to keep from crying, you know?”

You made it this far down? Gracias! Follow me on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram while you’re down here by clicking on their logos down below. Don’t forget to forward this newsletter to your compadres y comadres! You can’t get me tacos anymore, but you sure as hell can give them — and more — to the O.C. Catholic Worker!