Canto CCCXXVII: The Time I Appeared on "Imus in the Morning"

Gentle cabrones:

I’ve been listening to Howard Stern now for 33 years, and I’ll listen to him until I die as long as I can hear the repeats (F Jackie).

He’s far more tame nowadays than what you may think he is. He’s basically a wokoso unless you’re talking Israel (Hey now).

This is not my Howard apologia canto, which I’m saving until he retires or passes away, whichever comes first (Who, me?)

But if you know Howard, you’ll know that one of his eternal enemies was the original shock jock, Don Imus (Oh my).

If you are a Howard fan like me, you immediately learned to despise Imus — and this is before his infamous remarks about Rutgers women’s basketball players. So when I was doing promo for my 2012 book, Taco USA: How Mexican Food Conquered America, and my publicist told me that Imus wanted me on his radio-television show, I immediately said yes.

I have appeared on the programs of people I don’t agree with from the start of my career. Made Tucker Carlson laugh each of the two times I appeared on his CNN show. Had Sean Hannity try to goad me into yelling at him, which didn’t work (but Alan Colmes was so amused by that that he had me multiple times on his radio show). Roger Hedgecock. Random FOX News losers. Mancow, for chrissakes. Hell, I used to do a monthly appearance on Al Rantel’s radio show to answer people’s questions about Mexicans.

I love to speak before hostile audiences in the hope I can reach one person (Canto XXXVI) and also as my own type of intellectual workout. The WERK I do isn’t easy, so it’s important to stay as sharp as possible for when it counts.

But Imus? A chance to go on a rant about how he sucked and unleash a stream of “Baba Booey” that would then air on Howard and thus fulfill a longtime dream of mine? I couldn’t wait. (Du)

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It was 2012, so there was no Zoom or Report-It and Skype hadn’t yet been adopted for radio interviews, so I had to trek to the second Costa Mexico offices of the Infernal Rag at like 4 in the morning so I could join “Imus in the Morning” live because cell phone technology back then still wasn’t that reliable. OY VEY.

I was in my office, on a landline. I heard the feed, listened to Imus’ croaky voice and groaned at his bad — but not racist anymore — jokes and thoughts. The segment would last about 10 minutes — pretty substantial back then. Fox Business Channel. Cinco de Cuatro.

Imus got me on the air…and immediately begins to praise Taco USA. And it wasn’t hollow praise. He actually read it. I had done enough interviews by then to know who read my stuff, who didn’t, and who tried to cheat by getting notes handed to them by others.

He. Actually. Read. It. Can’t tell you how few interviewers actually do.

Imus asked thoughtful questions. He asked why didn’t my food travels take me to Midland, Texas, where he claimed the best enchiladas in the country were made, at a particular restaurant. He was impressed when I told him I knew about the genre of enchiladas — stacked — he was praising and how they’re usually found in New Mexico and Arizona, where Imus had grown up.

In my mind, I was still thinking to myself: “When am I going to go Howard Stern on Imus? When will I ever have this chance again? Why am I being so respectful to a man who made his career on disrespecting so many? WHAT THE FUCK, GUSTAVO.”

The segment came, the segment ended. I received many kind emails from Imus’ crowd, and one email from one of you, a grand champion who somehow found out I was going to be on Imus and woke up to hear me (God bless you, compa).

One of the interesting critiques against me is that I’m too nice to the miscreants I interview. There’s truth to that. I have gotten in trouble with loved ones for talking to people who don’t like me and for shaking the hands of people who don’t like them. There’s a photo out there of me, shaking hands with Jim Gilchrist, the founder of the Minuteman Project although I did that one on purpose specifically to antagonize people who don’t like me then and in the decades to come – folks, I think about time like Dr. Manhattan.

One thing I’ve learned in my career is that screaming really doesn’t get you anywhere. Listening to people does. Giving them a chance does. Just look at all the interviews I’ve done with the Los Angeles Times of major political figures who carve themselves up with the blades of kindness I put on the table for them to grab all on their own instead of immediately swinging at them with my own Joyeuse — and if you don’t believe me, ask Alex Villanueva.

The other thing I’ve learned is that you should treat people with the respect that they treat you. I’m not nice all the time. When Kevin de Leon‘s people blocked me from his primary night party, I was very upset and asked, pointed questions – not at the insult it was against me, but against my profession. I screamed nonstop at former Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio when he held a fundraiser in Santa Ana for an OC sheriff’s candidate, although that was done more for political theater.

There is a time and place for everything. For Imus, I didn’t have the heart to hijack a conversation for my benefit when the person talking to me was so considerate. And he was impressed by our conversation too. My dear friend who listened to him said that he shouted out our interview multiple times over the years, so impressed he was by it.

I never appeared on his show again.

Howard Stern will probably retire next year. I will never be on his show or even mentioned. Not that I didn’t try. On NPR, I once did blurt out “Baba Booey” when I was on a segment talking about Howard. Last year, when I appeared on Dan Patrick’s show to talk about the Shohei Ohtani interpreter gambling scandal, I started off with “Baba Booey” because Dan is a fan of Howard.

Neither one made it onto the show. Cue JD’s echoing laugh. (Bye for now) 

**

Enough rambling. This was the semana that was:

IMAGE OF THE WEEK: Bad photo of a DELICIOUS pork schnitzel at Darkroom in SanTana, one of the best new OC restaurants I’ve tasted in YEARS. Like the late Poltergeist except sharper in flavors and with vinyl instead of arcade games.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: “Afflictions are cherished” — Rabbi Akiva

LISTENING: “Paris-Hawaï,” La Femme: Languid in the most heartbreaking way. Learned about them from my honey, who had them on rotation in Alta Baja recently.

READING: “How a Cold War submarine officer traded listening to ships for tuning vintage player pianos in Portland”: Simple, perfect profile that taught me about someone and also a time — never knew that player pianos saw a huge uptick in sales after The Sting, but it makes sense when you think about it, you know? And I always love stories about small businesses or craftspeople, which I think news orgs should do more of * cough cough *

BUY MY NEW CO-BOOK! People’s Guide to Orange County tells an alternative history of OC through the scholarship and reporting of myself, Elaine Lewinnek, and Thuy Vo Dang. There’ll be signings all year — in meanwhile, buy your copy TODAY. And, yes: I’ll autograph it!

Gustavo Events  

June 10, 10 a.m.: I’ll be in conversation with Rodrigo García about his memoir A Farewell to Gabo and Mercedes: A Son’s Memoir of Gabriel García Márquez and Mercedes Barcha for the Braille Institute Los Angeles Center. It’ll be online and FREE — here’s the link to register.

Gustavo in the News

“Dine with history at L.A.’s landmark restaurants, founded in 1935 or earlier”: A plug in the L.A. Times for my previous work for said L.A. Times.

“Los Angeles Mission College Serves Up Gold at the 5th Annual Culinary Cup”: A writeup of the coolest food competition in SoCal highlights my Essential California about them.

“Byliner”: Merriam-Webster uses a plug that my Okie sister Hailey Branson-Potts gave me in her Essential California rodeo as an example of a synonym for “columnist” — HWUT.

Gustavo Stories 

“Grítale a Guti”: Latest edition of my Tuesday night IG Live free-for-all…is a LOST episode. You missed out!

“Anaheim renews contract with tourism bureau despite COVID scandal”: My latest KCRW “Orange County Line” commentary wonders WTF is going on in my beloved hometown.

"Why tacos are as 'American' as apple pie”: I appear on NPR’s “Code Switch” podcast to talk about authenticity and Mexican food.

“What is SoCal Culture?” I appear on Anne Helen Petersen’s indispensable “Culture Study Podcast” to talk about the issue at hand.

“Alta Live: Meet the Bean King”: My “Alta Live” conversation with Rancho Gordo founder and my compa Steve Sando.

“Ask a Californian: Our Most Controversial Column Yet”: My latest “Ask a Californian” co-columna for Alta Journal finds me telling a funny story about the Night Stalker — um, yeah. KEY QUOTE: “The Owens Valley still isn’t over Los Angeles stealing all of its water that turned the City of Angels from Barstow into heaven and the Owens Valley from Barstow into Bishop.”

“A visit to Frank del Olmo Elementary on Career Day”: My latest L.A. Times Essential California newsletter finds me talking to first- and fifth-graders at the LAUSD school named after my legendary Times columnista predecessor. KEY QUOTE: “Although covering the city’s biggest ethnic group — one that almost every student before me belonged to — is especially important, of course, a writer is more than just the group they belong to, I told them.”

“How a Times column about loquats became required high school reading”: My next latest L.A. Times Essential California newsletter talks about how excerpts of a previous columna of mine were featured on the AP English language exam, like I disclosed here last week. KEY QUOTE: “I’m very proud of it, but if I were to use one of my columnas to test college-bound high school seniors on their mastery of analysis and rhetoric, I wouldn’t have used that one.”

“Guess who suddenly has a ‘TACO’ allergy? How a tasty sounding acronym haunts Trump”: My latest L.A. Times columna traces the president’s bizarre history with the most quintessential of Mexican meals. KEY QUOTE: “He never really understood that a successful taco must appeal to everyone, never shatter or rip apart under pressure and can never take itself seriously like a burrito or a snooty mole.”

You made it this far down? Gracias! Follow me on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram while you’re down here by clicking on their logos down below. Don’t forget to forward this newsletter to your compadres y comadres! You can’t get me tacos anymore, but you sure as hell can give them — and more — to the O.C. Catholic Worker!